Joe Biden is up in 538’s national polling average. Fox News has Biden up. Republicans keep underperforming in special elections, because America hates them. Most of Donald Trump’s chosen candidates got their boners handed to them in the primaries last night and they had to carry their boners home in little boner satchels.
Judging by the way Republicans — and Trump himself — are acting about tomorrow night’s debate, it sure seems like they’re all worried he’s going to shit out a live shark on stage, which will immediately proceed to eat him while the “Mack The Knife” song plays.
And that’s not the saddest news. You’d think poopin’ out a shark that eats you while a big band led by Jake Tapper plays “Mack The Knife” would be the saddest news, but that’s not the saddest news, you wanna hear the saddest news?
It’s that behind the scenes in Republican-land, everybody is starting to say Trump is weak and sad and a loser, especially ever since his (first) criminal conviction (of many he will receive between now and the day he dies).
Know what’s not weak and sad and a loser? Becoming a paying subscriber to Wonkette!Subscribe
“The mood of Republicans has dimmed, according to nearly a dozen Republican operatives, county chairs and current and former GOP officials,” says Politico. Here’s a couple guys trying to put lipstick on the pig, but unfortunately the pig is like SQUEEEE because she’s not a makeup kinda girl, and also even a pig can see Trump is a fucking loser.
“I do think this is probably about the time that we should legitimately see a reaction to the guilty verdict, so it certainly makes sense,” said Jason Roe, a Republican strategist and former executive director of the state Republican Party in Michigan.
Or, as Tom McCabe, the GOP chair of swingy Mahoning County, Ohio, put it: “This election is going to be decided on the margins, and short-term, his conviction is hurting him in the polling.”
But it’s way more than that.
Because, you see, these Republicans can see that Trump’s base of dead-enders and human skin tags is excited to vote for the felon. But among swing voters and the kinds of people who need to, like, show up, in order for Trump to win? Turns out they aren’t excited. And it’s hurting the downballot Republicans.
There was that special election that just happened in Ohio, where the extremely well-known Republican still beat the waiter who spent like $5 out of his own pocket on the race. But he only won it by nine points, compared to the last guy, who won it by 35.
It also looks like the Senate — which was supposed to be the layup this year for Republicans — might be turning on them.
Incumbent Democratic senators in battleground states like Wisconsin, Nevada and Pennsylvania are polling ahead of their Republican challengers. In Arizona’s open Senate race, Republican Kari Lake, a star of the MAGA movement, is underperforming in the polls.
And Republicans still have to run on the fact that they were the ones who banned abortion, and Democrats keep overperforming the polls! And they’re still worried about all those people in Republican primaries who continue to vote for Nikki Haley, just so they don’t have to vote for Trump, even though Haley dropped out of the race sometime in 1994.
Do Republicans have a reason to be scared? Is Trump going to lose in November? Will he have to go live in prison where he won’t even be able to hear Don Jr. knocking on the door saying “Dad it’s raining! Let me sleep inside this time?”
Yes, hard PERHAPS, and we are pretty sure that’s how it ends up for Junior no matter where Daddy lives currently.
Still though. Rather be us than them, as the Hopium dude is always saying.
Rather be Hopium than Nopium! That’s a slogan that dude could use, if he gave us 50,000 dollars.
Last modified: June 28, 2024
